The Top 10 Questions Teenagers Ask About Sex
#1 How far is too far?
Males are stimulated differently than females. A behavior like “French kissing” will lead a guy to become sexually aroused but a girl will simply feel more affection towards him. You should avoid anything that could lead you into this arousal zone – things like drugs, alcohol, French kissing, prolonged kissing, and petting. Knowing how far to go means understanding that men have a higher sex drive and women a higher love drive. It also means knowing that using drugs and alcohol will impact sexual behavior because they deaden the conscience and heighten the passions. Setting boundaries and “no trespassing zones” are essential to staying pure while dating.
#2 How do I say “NO”?
Everybody has three types of “language” – verbal, body, and what you wear. When it comes to saying “No” in a dating relationship, your words, your body and your clothes all must be saying it! If you are saying No, but wearing a Yes, then your No becomes a Maybe. The simple fact is that a guy is more visually stimulated than a girl and will be more affected by how she dresses. When you are getting ready for your next date remember this: the more you Show the harder it is to say No. Both of you should speak, act and dress in ways that show respect for each other.
#3 What if I never marry?
Does that mean you will never experience a sexual relationship? Life is about choices. And not everyone chooses to get married. Some people choose to remain single. A sexual relationship belongs only in marriage where a man and a woman have made a life-long commitment to each other and are open to the gift of children. Yet neither of these life choices is better than the other. Your life choice should be the one that best meets your goals and aspirations.
#4 What if I am being pressured to have sex?
If you truly love someone, you will respect his or her desire to save sex for marriage and will lovingly choose to embrace these same values. Sadly, too many young people fall victim to sexual pressure because of the fear of being rejected. You deserve to have a dating relationship that honors you for the person you are. You want that relationship to help you to have a happy, healthy and wholesome life. Take heart, there are many young people who desire to save sex for marriage. Be patient! True love will wait for marriage and you are worth waiting for!
#5 I’m not a virgin…Is it too late for me?
It is never too late! If you have already given away the gift of your virginity, then reclaim it today! You can start saving yourself for marriage again. This is called Renewed or Secondary Virginity. Sadly, many teenagers take their virginity for granted. Whether you are a virgin or renewed virgin, the gift of your virginity is the most precious thing you own. It is more valuable than jewels. Treasure your gift and save it for your future spouse. It is the best gift that you can give on your wedding night.
#6 Is “safe sex” really safe?
The “safe sex” myth is a lie. Webster defines “safe” as “free from harm.” Those who are engaging in sexual intercourse and are relying on condoms, pills or any other form of contraception are playing “sexual roulette.” It’s like loading a six-shooter with one bullet, spinning the barrel and pulling the trigger when the gun is pointed at your head. You may end up “safe”, or you may end up dead. A condom has a failure rate of 14% in preventing pregnancy, is ineffective in protecting against 6 out of the 8 most common sexually transmitted diseases, including HPV (Human Papillomavirus a.k.a. genital warts – the most common STD), and cannot even guarantee protection from the HIV virus that causes AIDS, a routinely fatal disease. The birth control pill offers women absolutely no protection against STD infection and has many associated health risks and side effects. Does this sound “safe” to you?
#7 Is oral sex really sex?
You better believe it! Many teenagers believe that oral sex is not considered sex because it does not fit into their definition of sexual intercourse. The real purposes of sexual intercourse are to create a new life and to bond with your spouse. Oral sex does neither. Sadly, many teenagers are unaware that risky sexual behavior, such as oral sex, can transmit life-threatening and incurable diseases such as HIV, HPV, genital herpes, chlamydia, syphilis, and gonorrhea.
#8 What can I do if I am attracted to someone of the same sex?
You probably have many friends that are of the same sex as yourself. Some teenagers today are confused about the differences between friendship and homosexuality. This confusion comes from how television and movies present sex. Too often, homosexuality is shown as a legitimate lifestyle equal to a heterosexual lifestyle. These same sex “unions” cannot provide an adequate means of achieving a genuine physical relationship with another human being because this type of “union” is contrary to the laws of nature. There can be no real union because same sex bodies do not even physically fit together. If you or someone you know is struggling with same sex attraction, you can find help and obtain more information at these websites: narth.com, peoplecanchange.com, and couragerc.net.
#9 What’s wrong with pornography? I’m not hurting anyone.
Pornography is wrong because it teaches a man to value a woman based upon how much she physically stimulates him. It trains men to treat women as sexual objects to be discarded once they are done using them for their own selfish pleasure. Whether it is in magazines, movies or on the internet, pornography damages people’s minds and destroys marriages. Men should guard their hearts against being seduced by such false images of women because the consequences are so destructive, not only to themselves, but to those whom they love.
#10 What’s wrong with masturbation? I’m not getting anyone pregnant.
Masturbation is the ultimate form of selfishness. The act itself is the act of loving ourselves for the sole purpose of satisfying our sexual desires. Masturbation will teach you to look to yourself for sexual fulfillment. In a marriage, the husband and wife look to each other for sexual fulfillment. If you look to yourself for sexual pleasure prior to your future marriage then you will more than likely continue to do so in your marriage. Habits are hard to break and masturbation is a harmful habit which could one day isolate you from your future spouse.
Disease information: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for HIV, STD and TB Prevention Division of Sexually Transmitted Diseases, Fact Sheets found at: http://www.cdc.gov/std/HealthComm/fact_sheets.htm, accessed 2-16-2006.
A special note of thanks to all the high school and middle school students from Santa Cruz, CA and Philadelphia, PA whose questions served as the foundation for this brochure
- ^ “safe.” Webster’s Dictionary, 1981 (29 December 2004).
- ^ Hatcher, Robert Contraceptive Technology, (New York: Ardent Media, Inc. 1998).
- ^ NIAID, NIH, HHS; Scientific Evidence on Condom Effectiveness for STD prevention; July 2001.
- ^ Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for HIV, STD and TB Prevention, Divisions of HIV/AIDS Prevention, Workshop Summary: Scientific Evidence on Condom Effectiveness for Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD) Prevention June 12-13, 2000, found at: http://www.niaid.nih.gov/dmid/stds/condomreport.pdf, accessed 2-16-2006 (a review of 138 scientific studies concerning condom effectiveness published July 20, 2001.)
- ^ “Risks and side effects of taking oral contraceptives.” Wyeth-Ayerst Laboratories, July 1997.
- ^ S Edwards and C Carne, Oral Sex and the transmission of viral STIs, Sexually Transmitted Infections, 1998, 74(1) 6-10.