The Top 10 Questions Parents Ask About “The Talk”
#1 If I had sex before marriage, what do I tell my teen?
We do not have to share our mistakes with our children, but we must share the truth. The truth is that sex belongs only in marriage. Regardless of how a child is conceived, no child is a mistake. All children are priceless. If your teen knows that you had sex before marriage keep this in mind: if you tell them not to do what you are doing, you are a hypocrite. If you tell them not to do what you have done, you are a teacher.
#2 When is it appropriate to have “the talk”?
No one knows your children better than you. Just trust your instincts on this one. If you make them comfortable talking to you as children, then they will be comfortable talking with you as teens. If you don’t talk to your children about sex, then television, movies, music, the internet, video games and, of course, their just-as-confused friends will. Wouldn’t you prefer they get the information from you?
#3 I want to have a talk about sex, but how do I break the ice?
Begin with the media. Watch shows with your teens. If sex outside of marriage is presented, discuss it! Ask your teens why there is so much sex on television and in movies. Gently lead them to realize that the media is interested in money, not morality.
#4 What shall I tell them is the safest sex?
The “safest sex” is sex saved for marriage. Sex outside of marriage is never safe and never without consequences. It can end in a crisis pregnancy, abortion, life-long or even fatal STD infections and a broken heart. Tell your child that saving themselves for marriage is the best choice for them. It will give them romance without regret, awesome friendships, true freedom in their young life and a great marriage one day. A recent study revealed that those who are sexually active before marriage are 71% more likely to divorce than those who are virgins until their wedding night.
#5 How can I help my teen deal with peer pressure?
Peer pressure doesn’t have to be bad! It can be negative or positive. Peers can talk each other into alcohol, drugs and sex or they can talk each other out of them. How well do you know your teen’s friends? Don’t be afraid to exercise your role as a parent to influence your teen’s relationships. You can best help your teens to deal with peer pressure by arming them with the truth about their sexuality.
#6 Should I know the parents of my teenager’s friends?
You should absolutely get to know them! Parents are the primary educators of their children and it is essential to know whether the parents of your teen’s friends think like you. If these parents permit the use of bad language, sexually stimulating PG or R movies, violent video games or music with explicit language, then won’t your impressionable teen be tempted to model this behavior?
#7 What can I do if my teen’s health class curriculum is teaching “safe sex”?
Parents, you have more power than you think! If “safe sex” is being taught in your school, you have the right to opt your teen out of that class. The best curriculum on sexuality is an abstinence-only one. For more information on abstinence-only curricula log onto: www.abstinence.net. Be confident! Parents can and do make a difference! Bring the information on abstinence-only programs to your teen’s health teacher.
#8 What if I find a condom in my son’s room?
Better you find it before he uses it! Don’t delay! Have a discussion with your son as soon as possible. Tell him that the only “safe sex” is “saved sex”—saving himself for marriage. Condoms are a “con” job. They can never guarantee protection from potentially fatal STD’s, pregnancy or a broken heart.
The Centers for Disease Control (the CDC) warns: Condoms do not provide complete protection from any STD or pregnancy. STD infection can occur in both males and females whether or not a condom is used. Abstinence is the only 100% effective way to avoid infection or a crisis pregnancy. All other methods leave you vulnerable.
#9 What if I suspect that my teenager is already sexually active?
What if you catch your teenager in a lie? Do you then teach them how to lie and not get caught? Of course not! Talk to your teen and get it across that you love them no matter what. If your teen is sexually active, the loving thing to do is talk to them about renewed or secondary virginity. Give your teen a challenge to stop engaging in sex and start practicing sexual self control—chastity!
#10 What if my daughter comes home and tells me that she is pregnant?
Consider yourself blessed that she came to you and not Planned Parenthood! Regardless of the circumstances, the child in her womb is your grandchild and you should want what is best for your child and your grandchild. There are many crisis pregnancy centers that can walk your daughter through all of her options free of charge. Abortion should never be an option. You cannot put a price tag on human life!
Need help right away?
To locate your nearest pregnancy help center for free pregnancy tests, peer counseling, information about pregnancy symptoms, fetal development, abortion risks, pregnancy options log onto: www.optionline.org or call 800-395-HELP to be immediately connected to a trained phone consultant who can find you help at any hour of the day or night. Or for more options: click here to get help!
A special note of thanks to all the parents of today’s teenager. We hope this brochure will encourage and HELP you in speaking the truth about sex to your teen.
- ^ McManus, Michael J., “Veil of Tears: The Church is Part of Our Divorce Problem-and Solution,” Policy Review (Winter 1994): 50.
- ^ Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for HIV, STD and TB Prevention, Divisions of HIV/AIDS Prevention, Workshop Summary: Scientific Evidence on Condom Effectiveness for Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD) Prevention June 12-13, 2000, found at: http://www.niaid.nih.gov/dmid/stds/condomreport.pdf (a review of 138 scientific studies concerning condom effectiveness published July 20, 2001), accessed on August 29, 2006.