If we don’t have sex, what do we do?
When you are in a relationship and it becomes sexual, you find yourself spending less time getting to know each other emotionally and more time being sexually active. At some point, you might wonder if that’s all there is to the relationship.
When you decide to take sex out of a relationship, or start a new relationship where you commit to being sexually pure, you need a game plan. It’s like playing a video game. After a while you know the traps and the dangers and you take action to avoid them before you get blasted. It’s the same thing here. You need to know the dangers and the traps that lead to sexual activity before you get involved so that you can avoid them. What are some things that you can do?
Want to have some fun? Before you go out, bring up the fact that you are not at all interested in getting involved sexually. Your date’s reaction to such a radical statement is a great way to know if you are in trouble before even stepping out the door. The more pressure you feel to do what you don’t want to do, the faster you should say, “I’m out of here!”
Choose friends with the same values.
You have probably heard of peer pressure. You know, when everyone is sitting around talking about how cool something is. You don’t agree, but you sure aren’t going to say so! After a while you start saying to yourself, “well, maybe it’s not so bad…” That’s why it’s important to choose friends who share your values. Then you will hear things that make your commitment stronger, not wear it down. The same goes for the people you date. If you know someone is a player or partier, don’t go out with him or her. You are only setting yourself up!
“Where do you want to go?” “I dunno, where do you want to go?” “I dunno, let’s just hang out and see what happens.” This is not a good way to start. When you have plans, you can avoid placing yourself in situations where things just happen – like sex. You can plan fun dates that will make great memories and will keep you true to your commitment.
Don’t leave dead time.
If you are going out for an evening, have the whole evening planned. Don’t leave blocks of time where you have nothing to do, especially when you are alone at home or in a car.
Go out in groups.
Think about the times when you had the most fun. They were probably with a group of friends. Going out in groups insures that you will stay out of tempting situations.
The worst place to hang out is at home alone. You can have good intentions but you also know how quickly things can go too far. Sticking to public places can help.
Watch what you watch.
Guys especially are stimulated by visual images. That means sexy movies get them excited and geared up for more. Don’t worry. You could live to be 90 before you see all the great non-sexy videos out there!
Set physical limits.
That’s right. Set your limits ahead of time. Think about exactly how far is too far for you. Say no to anything that is intended to sexually excite your partner. Define what healthy affection is and tell your partner what YOUR definition is. Want some hints? Hand holding, hugging and kissing (that doesn’t mean making out) are OK. But basically anything below the neck is off limits if you are serious about creating a pure, long lasting relationship.
55 Things to Do Instead of Sex
1. Go on a picnic with friends
2. Bake cookies
3. Play on the monkey bars at the park
4. Go out to eat
5. Slide down a grass hill on a block of ice
6. Go horseback riding
7. Go roller blading
8. Do something kind for a needy person
9. Go bowling
10. Try making a new recipe
11. Throw a 70’s party
12. Get your friends and go on a video scavenger hunt
13. Wash each other’s car
14. Go people watching at the airport
15. Explore an interesting part of your town
16. Get some culture and go to a symphony or ballet
17. Ride bikes in the park
18. Go to a deli and order something you’ve never tasted
19. Dedicate a song on the radio
20. Write each other poems
21. Volunteer at a soup kitchen
22. Go to a museum
23. Ride a carousel
24. Get a group together for volleyball
25. Take a walk together
26. Plan a mystery dinner for friends
27. Go to church together
28. Dress up and go to McDonald’s
29. Get friends and play board games
30. Send a funny card
31. Learn how to swing dance
32. Join a coed softball team
33. Jump on a trampoline
34. Look at travel books and find places you would like to go
35. Chop up things in the blender and make “food-art”
36. Read a book and discuss it
37. Do homework together
38. Audition for parts in a school play
39. Have breakfast at sunrise
40. Hide love notes where the other will find them
41. Spend an evening with each other’s families
42. Choose a special song
43. Do a craft project
44. Take a fun class at your community college together
45. Have a candlelight dinner with another couple
46. Search for “treasures” in second hand stores
47. Volunteer at a crisis nursery
48. Send candy or flowers
49. Have a campfire
50. Tie die T-shirts
51. Rescue a puppy or kitty from the pound
52. Take a car full of kids to the drive-in movie
53. Blow up balloons and stuff a friends car
54. Have a canned whipped cream fight outside
55. “Kidnap” a friend at 6:00 a.m. and go out to breakfast