There are times when a family’s heart is bigger
than its home. One might be tempted to ignore this fact and take in a pregnant girl
anyway. At some point though, this situation can actually become counterproductive. We
speak from experience. There are many different physical accommodations that are workable.
We would like to offer the following guidelines:
The ideal situation is for the girl to have her own room in the
home. This room should not be used for any other purpose. This allows both her and the
family needed privacy. Out of necessity, we have taken this idea one step further. With
six in our family and only three bedrooms, there are no spare rooms to be used. To give
the girls their own sleeping quarters and avoid over crowded conditions, we placed an
eight by thirty foot travel trailer next to our house. The girls use the trailer as their
sleeping quarters, yet otherwise interact as part of the family. Other families who take
in girls under our program are also provided smaller travel trailers. This has proved to
be an excellent solution for both parties. The girls feel less like an intrusion to the
shepherding family and have a corner in the world to call their own. We encourage them to
personalize their rooms with photos and other mementos. The option of using a trailer is,
of course, determined by the zoning laws of each city and by the finances available to the
family.
We discourage the sharing of a room by the girl and other children
in the family. While this does depend on the ages of the children, there are inevitable
problems which arise. When a girl shares a room with a very young child, her sleeping and
waking habits are determined by the child’s schedule. This also creates a lack of
privacy for the girl. Most small children are inquisitive and like to handle other’s
belongings. Often this is a source of irritation for the girl and frustration for the
child.
If the child who shares her room is an older daughter, resentment
may develop for having to give up part of her domain. If she and the girl have a
personality conflict, the daughter’s refuge becomes a very unpleasant place for her
to be. There is the added risk that your daughter may be constantly exposed to negative or
unhealthy attitudes. Under no circumstances do we recommend that a girl share a room with
a male child older than infant stage. Even young boys have a sense of modesty that would
be violated under these circumstances.
Another living situation that is often considered but is not
practical is a hideaway bed in a living or family room. This does not give the girl or the
family enough privacy. It is also a constant reminder to the girl that she is an
imposition. If the family is willing to put up a semi-permanent partition that would
ensure privacy, then it might be workable.
One other possible living situation is to use living quarters
completely separate from the house. While this may sound ideal, we have learned that this
does have its problems. At one time we established a "half-way" house. This was
actually a trailer located about a mile from our house. The girls who lived there were
adults and little supervision was provided. The girls did not share our value system and
took advantage of the freedom they were granted. After episodes of boyfriends spending the
night and other unacceptable behavior, we decided to close it down. This does not mean
that this situation will not work. It does, however, depend on the maturity and
responsibility of the girls. We would recommend that supervision be maintained and that
the girls be held accountable for their actions. When a girl is living separately from the
family, she also misses out on some very positive benefits. Living with a Christian family
may be the first time she experiences a good marriage and family that is centered around
Christ.
