Of all the conditions of the heart, humility is
probably the most sought after and least understood by Christians. The Bible is very clear
on what God thinks of pride and arrogance. In Proverbs 16:18 we read, "Pride goes
before destruction and a haughty spirit before stumbling." In Daniel 5:20 we read the
reason why king Nebuchadnezzar was driven away from mankind and his heart was made like
that of beasts: "But when his heart was lifted up and his spirit became so proud that
he behaved arrogantly, he was deposed from his royal throne, and his glory was taken away
from him." We are admonished in the scriptures and from the pulpit to be humble. But
how?
In my pursuit for humility I felt like a gerbil on a wheel getting
nowhere. The more I strived to be humble the prouder I was of my humility. Until I
realized I was proud and then I felt like a failure at becoming humble. In all of it I
wasn't even sure I knew WHAT a humble person was supposed to act like. I thought that self
deprecation might be the answer. When someone told me I was artistic (which I am) I would
reply "Oh, no, I'm not artistic at all." But, I knew I was artistic so then I
became a liar as well as a failure. Then I tried to give selflessly to others. The only
problem with that was that I was always gauging how impressed people were with my
selflessness. When the recipient of my selflessness would thank me profusely and tell me
what a really good person I was I would respond "Oh no, no, it was nothing,
really." But, I loved their praise and really was rather proud of my selflessness!
I was utterly baffled as to the process of achieving humility. And
then I came across this saying: "Humility is not thinking lowly of one's self, but
rather, not thinking of one's self at all." It was as if a light went on. Humility is
not something to be achieved. It is a by-product of a surrendered heart. I don't have to
deny my talents - God gave them to me. I don't have to say negative things about myself or
try to convince myself of my motives. I simply must surrender what's IN my heart and God
will replace it with His heart. It's not a matter of arriving at a point of spirituality
where I achieve humility, but rather a day by day, moment by moment walk in surrender with
Christ. Humility no longer becomes my objective. It is simply the shifting of my focus
from self to Christ and the total absence of gauging my spiritual performance at all.
