How to Say No to Sex

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How To Say No To Sex Cover ArtThe message is everywhere: "Say 'Yes' to sex!" You see it on TV, in magazines, on the internet, on CD covers, in the classroom, and you hear it from your friends. If everyone says "Yes" to sex before marriage does all the guilt, disappointment and disease that come with it disappear? No!

Make your choice

Saying "No" to sexual involvement starts with you making important decisions about your life. No one can do it for you. When you decide to be abstinent, it has to be your choice.

So what is abstinence? It is simply waiting until marriage before having sex.

You can decide to be abstinent before you become sexually active, or after. If you’ve already blown it you can still start again. Everyone makes mistakes.

Know the score

Guys and girls have conflicting goals. Guys are looking mostly for physical pleasure. They are driven by their hormones and what they see and feel at the moment. Girls are almost always looking for a lasting relationship. For them, sex is something in the future that is a result of that long term relationship, not something that starts it.

So what does it take to be abstinent? Everyone is tempted to have sex before marriage. Anywhere guys and girls are together, the opportunity will come up. If you’ve decided to be abstinent, think things through before you get into a compromising situation. Be ready to defend yourself, or even take the offensive if you have to. In short, learn when and how to say "No".

First, the basics: Controlling your situation is half the battle. Always know about the other person that you are attracted to. Don’t choose a "player" if you are trying to say "No" to what players do best.

Situations where two people are alone and have nothing much to do can easily lead to sex. Going out should be fun and interesting. Know where you will be, what you will do and when you will return. Ask others along who have the same commitment you do. In fact, picking friends that believe like you do gives you an incredible advantage. But picking "players" to hang out with will drag you down to their level.

If you are a girl, dress like you expect to be treated with respect. Guys are stimulated by what they see. The way you dress sends a strong message, so be sure it’s the one you want to send.

When alcohol or drugs become part of the equation, they dull your resolve and commitment. And it’s probably obvious, but keep all your clothes on. Once you start down that road it’s hard to turn back.

Set your limits in advance.

 If you don’t know where you intend to stop, you probably won’t. How do you know you’ve crossed the line if you haven’t drawn the line in the first place? Basically, touching and caressing anything below the neck is asking for more involvement. And oral sex is sex. If, somehow, you find yourself kissing and fondling, stop. Be firm and explain that this isn’t what you wanted to happen. And once you do successfully stop, don’t try to make up for the awkwardness by more kissing or physical affection – you are only sending the wrong message.

The responsibility of saying "No" always seems to fall on the girl. Although that may not be fair, it’s just the way things are. Here are two methods that might come in handy.

The "In Your Face" Method

So let’s say you meet this guy at a party. You leave to get pizza. He parks at the edge of the parking lot and turns into a gorilla. He has his hands all over you and says he wants to get you alone so he can do his "magic". Ok, this is not a good situation. This is not your knight in shining armor. He wants sex. What do you do?

You can’t be timid in this situation. You have to firmly tell him sex is out of the question. "No, I don’t want to have sex!" Be ready to defend that idea. If he knows you had sex before, don’t let him use that to humiliate you into having sex with him now. Explain to him that you’ve changed. Chances are, he isn’t going to give up so easily. You may have to repeatedly, and forcibly, tell him "No". He may try to "reason" with you. Know your stuff. 

Be able to defend against those stupid "come on" lines. "Everyone’s doing it" ("I’m not everyone"), "I’ll still love you in the morning" ("I won’t be here in the morning"), "You’re my first" ("Oh, no I’m not"), "If you love me, prove it" ("You think love equals sex?") and on and on. Draw the line and be firm. If he doesn’t get it, leave or call home. Don’t ever let him think your "No" isn’t for sure. And certainly don’t hang around with him if you aren’t sure you can keep that "No" strong. 

If things really turn ugly, it’s time to scream, yell, kick and scratch - and then run. Don’t become a victim of date rape!

The "Keep Your Boyfriend" Method

It’s different if the guy is already your boyfriend. You already have some kind of relationship. Maybe it’s just become much too sexual. Here, you need to treat him with respect. Tell him that what you have with him is much too special to ruin it by having sex before marriage. And that you are worth it and he is worth it to wait for that big day. And if something goes wrong and you break up before that day comes, you still want to be able to offer yourself for the first time to whoever you marry. 

You need to be open and forthright. Share the reasons you want to remain abstinent. They might be religious or moral. You might be most concerned with becoming pregnant or getting 1 of the 25 STDs (sexually transmitted diseases). Guys almost always have more respect for girls who have the strength of their convictions.

What if he says he’ll leave you if you don’t have sex? Well, here’s a thought. Does he respect you for who you are or just because he gets sex from you? How much could this relationship mean to him? It’s a fact that the more a guy fools around before marriage, the more likely it is that he’ll fool around while he’s married. You may learn a great deal about the future of your relationship when you say "No" or "No More" to sex with your boyfriend.

It all boils down to this; Your self-respect and commitment. Abstinence may not be the easiest path to take, but it’s the one you will never regret.

Fact: Most teens are not having sex. When they do, they often regret it later, especially around the time they want to get married. Over 800,000 teenagers get pregnant each year. That’s 34% of teenage girls by age 20. [1]

Fact: Safe Sex isn’t safe at all. The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) says that condoms can’t fully protect you from even a single STD. And there are 25 major ones, including Chlamydia, AIDS-HIV, HPV, herpes, hepatitis, syphilis, and gonorrhea. [2] An estimated 15 million new sexually STD infections happen each year. One forth of these are in teens and two-thirds are in people under 25. [3]

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