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The Hidden Part: A Journey of Healing
Dr. Karen Stevenson
"Behold thou desirest the truth in the inward parts,
and in the hidden part, thou shalt make me to know wisdom" (Psalm 51:6).
Who am I? I am woman, nurturer and sustainer of life. I am
fearfully and wonderfully made--a magnificent work of God's creation. I was created with a
divine purpose, a mission to uplift my people. I am friend, lover, sister, daughter, wife,
and I am mother. I usher in each succeeding generation and with my blood, sweat, and tears
I help to transmit my culture, my values, my spiritual connection to God.
In this increasingly complex society I have become troubled
on all sides. My loving relationship with my spouse is now adversarial. Where we once
labored together to prepare our children to live victoriously, I now too often labor
alone. My nurturing relationship with my children is now one of constant struggle and
rebellion, because society and the peer group now dictate what is right and wrong. I am
buffeted by a society and culture that denies even my womanhood. It seeks to destroy that
which makes me unique, my ability to bear and nurture a child.
I speak to you today about an issue like no other, which has
placed a woman in conflict with her very essence - the bringing forth of life. America is
similar to most western cultures that have placed the needs of the individual above the
needs of the group. We speak of the individual liberties and freedoms without realizing
that all privileges come with responsibilities. Our African cultural heritage was based
upon the needs of the individual within the context of the community; We know that it
takes a whole village to raise a child because in doing so we transmit common moral,
ethical, and spiritual values. Our homes, our churches, and our schools at one time
transmitted common values. We knew who we were as men, women and children in a world
infested with the plagues of racism, hatred, and evil.
I have now been encouraged to "find myself' and to seek
that which will make me happy at the expense of my family. I have been told that I can
have it all, now, and that I can be a superwoman! What I have discovered instead is that I
am tired, depressed, overworked, unappreciated, and struggling to maintain my many
relationships and obligations. Society has encouraged me to "find myself" and to
seek its version of self-esteem, but this has resulted in the loss of the realization of
my divine purpose. In my struggle to shield myself from pain, I harbored secrets. My
deepest secret, tucked away so carefully, became my hidden part.
I have now been encouraged to "find myself' and to seek
that which will make me happy at the expense of my family. I have been told that I can
have it all, now. and that I can be a superwoman! What I have discovered instead is that I
am tired, depressed, overworked, unappreciated, and struggling to maintain my many
relationships and obligations. Society has encouraged me to "find myself' and to seek
its version of self-esteem, but this has resulted in the loss of the realization of my
divine purpose. In my struggle to shield myself from pain, I harbored secrets. My deepest
secret, tucked away so carefully, became my hidden part.
This crucial issue attacks our very womanhood. It grips us
more hauntingly than the gang violence plaguing our neighborhoods. It destroys more lives
than crack cocaine. It is the new holocaust, more devastating than AIDS. In this country
it has destroyed thirty million souls, more American lives than all the wars that we have
ever been involved in. This silent killer is abortion.
Abortion impacts not only the woman involved, it impacts
families. Although proponents say that they want it to be safe and rare, it is quite
common. It affects one in four pregnancies and almost forty percent of women who have had
an abortion have had more than one. Over 1.5 million abortions each year are performed in
this country alone. It interrupts the special bond between mother and child just as it is
beginning to form.
When a child is torn from his or her mother's womb, it
triggers a tragic chain of events. Because a woman was created to be a giver of life, she
now must justify her actions toward her child. Denial allows her to initially feel relief
and she thinks that her problem is solved. Yet her denial slowly evolves into anger and
rage. When it is directed toward herself it becomes depression, anxiety, fearfulness, and
lack of motivation. She vividly relives the event through intrusive thoughts or through
nightmares. It becomes difficult to see babies, to hear their cries, or to view anything
relating to them. If her anger is directed outwardly, she lashes out in rage toward her
husband or other children. She has difficulty forming trusting relationships with others,
especially men. Since she has already broken the initial bond between mother and child,
her relationships with her other children may be affected. Her children may be smothered
and overprotected and not allowed to attain their full maturity, or they may not be
nurtured in a loving relationship with her.
The rates of child abuse have risen sharply over the past
twenty years. Is it possible that abortion can make a woman more vulnerable to abuse her
child? Both Susan Smith, who drowned her sons in a North Carolina lake, and the woman who
threw her children off a California bridge, had recently had abortions. The rates of
alcohol and other substance abuse are three to four times higher in women who previously
have had abortions than in women who have never had them. These women may be trying to
numb their pain. Others develop an attitude toward life in which they are chronically numb
or unhappy. They stop crying in response to pain; they cannot experience joy; and they
cannot enjoy sexuality within the context of loving marital relationships.
African-American women are at higher risk for complications
following abortions. We have higher rates of infection, hemorrhage, miscarriage,
difficulty conceiving in future pregnancies, and sterility. Breast cancer among women has
also seen a precipitous rise over the past few years. There have been numerous studies
that have noted a correlation between abortion and breast cancer. Of course, the rates of
breast cancer, like many other illnesses, are higher for Black women than White.
Grieving for the lost child is not the exclusive domain of
the woman. The man in her life suffers because he is told that the "choice" is
the woman's. This is especially poignant for the African-American male who is again faced
with another example of a society that emasculates him. Other men actively encourage their
mates to abort their children. They state that they are not ready for the responsibilities
of parenthood. It is quite painful to live in a society which encourages the gratification
of one's desires without encouraging people to take responsibility for their own actions.
Young men are being raised by women dealing with past hurts often relating to the men in
their lives and they emerge from childhood sparsely equipped to form positive, loving
relationships with the women in their lives.
Conflicted grandparents have, on many occasions, driven
crying and confused daughters to abortion clinics. They wrestle with their own values as
they make what they consider the best decision for their child. No one realizes the toll
it takes until they are haunted by the demons of the past. The abortion may alter the
course of the relationship between parent and child. Other grandparents grieve for the
child who was never born. They immerse themselves in a silent world of pain because of the
grandchild that can never be talked about.
Children learn about abortion from overheard conversations,
by being directly told, or by sensing their mother's pregnancies that do not bring forth a
sibling. It evokes fear and anxiety in them or it produces anger and rage. Sexual
promiscuity is said to be rampant among our youth as is the explosion of violence. Are our
children trying to reconnect with, yet lash out at a society that has so devalued them
that they are not even safe in their mothers' wombs?
Women have been told that the fetus is just a lump of tissue,
yet by three weeks gestation the baby has a heartbeat; by seven weeks brain waves can be
measured; by nine weeks he withdraws from pain; and by ten weeks all of his organs are
formed and the baby just needs to continue to grow.
Since Roe v. Wade legalized abortion in 1973, thirty million
babies have perished. Ten million, approximately one in three, have been African-American.
If there is ever a question of genocide in our community, let me share with you some
facts. In the United States, for every three Black babies born, two are aborted. Every
month 133,333 abortions are performed, 41,667 are Black. Every week 30,769 abortions are
performed, 9,615 are Black. Every day 4,384 abortions are performed, 1,370 are Black. In
Tennessee, Blacks comprised 38.2% of the state's 17,821 abortions in 1992. We make up only
16% of the state's population. Memphis is home to 45% of the state's Blacks and it boasts
the largest number of abortions. Of the 6,420 abortions performed there, 4,389-- 68% were
performed on Black women. Black women are two times more likely to abort their babies than
White women.
The statistics from many other states are just as appalling.
Women of African descent are more likely than any other women of color in this country to
abort their babies. In our pursuit of education and careers, often with relationships in
which there is no equal sense of commitment, we have sacrificed our most precious
commodity, our children. Every minute of the day an African-American youth quits school;
every minute and a half a Black child is born into poverty, every ten minutes a Black
child is arrested for a violent crime; and every four hours a Black child is murdered.
Does abortion cause these problems? Abortion breeds an attitude, a cultural response that
devalues our children. Our children have turned society's attitude upon themselves, and
the results have been devastating.
Let us, in pursuit of who we are, recognize that God created
each of us to fulfill a divine purpose. I must reconnect with my Creator in order that He
might reveal to me my life's work and give me a vision to fulfill it. I must seek His
forgiveness for those past hurts and painful choices. I must also forgive myself and allow
His healing to truly liberate me. Then forgetting those things which are behind and
reaching toward those things which are before, I press toward the high calling God has
given me.
There is hope and there is healing for women who have been
traumatized by abortion. The other victim is the mother who has not been allowed to grieve
for her lost child. Yet she must go through each day, whether it be as a successful career
woman, college student, or adolescent, struggling to fill a void which resulted from a
pivotal moment in her life. She must be allowed to grieve and to acknowledge her pain. She
can be silent no more. She must gently unlock the door of her hidden part. For it is in
the hidden part that the Lord will reveal His wisdom, and her inward parts can begin to
heal. And only when the healing journey has begun, can she truly answer the question, who
am I?
Dr. Karen Stevenson is a Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist
Phone: 800-509-4793
Fax: 412-362-2221
Email Dr. Karen Stevenson
Used with permission.
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